This past week I turned 23.
Needless to say, I feel pretty old.
For the first time I didn't feel the need to make my birthday a week long celebration. I guess responsibilities get the best of you as time goes on. But just because I wasn't planning on going over- the top for my birthday doesn't mean I wasn't excited. Instead of celebrating my existence as a human being I took this birthday as an opportunity to reflect on the past year and be thankful for what I have. I'm blessed to have a couple of genuine people in my life, blessed to have had 21 amazing birthdays with my Dad, and I'm blessed to have the strength to carry on through everything that life is throwing at me. A lot has happened in the past year and a half. I lost a parent, hit rock bottom, started to surround myself with different people, brought myself back up, and started to have a clearer vision of where I want to be in life.
I've learned that there's no harm in being selfish sometimes. Selfish decisions are necessary to grow as a person. Although I've often felt guilty about some of my decisions, I have no regrets. If I didn't make these choices I would have never been able to grow as a person. With each year that goes by I realize that time really does fly and the things that bothered me a year ago really don't matter anymore. Throwing out the toxins in your life is just as important as spring cleaning or detoxing your body after eating junk for ages.
I've also realized that the healing process is a lengthy one. There's no time limit on how long you can take to get back on your feet. Rome wasn't built in a day and I now see that the same approach is crucial to my every day life. After trying to snap myself out of this funk I've been in, I've seen that rushing it isn't the answer. On a day to day basis I have learned to notice the things that make me happy and be thankful for them.
I may not be where I wanted to be at 23, but that doesn't mean that I won't be there some day. After 23 years I'm finally learning to be my own best friend rather than my own enemy. I've learned that dwelling on the past does nothing but hold you back from the future. I've finally learned to look forward. Now, it's not a question of 'how long will winter last?' but 'summer is getting closer as the days go by'