Giving up

There will be times when you feel like the whole world is against you. You'll feel like there's no escape. No matter where you go, you'll feel trapped. I'm writing this to tell you that feeling does go away but WHEN that feeling goes away is entirely up to you. Sitting there, sulking and waiting for this feeling to go away will only make things worse; Trust me, I've tried. You are in charge of your own happiness. Over the past 13 months I constantly wondered when I would go back to being my happy, peppy, positive thinking self. I was tired of waiting for it to happen and had almost given up hope that I'd ever be happy again. After a series of breakdowns and night after night of constantly crying myself to sleep I realized that something had to be done. The walls of my room and my house had me feeling suffocated, I felt as though there was a negative energy about that would constantly haunt me and make my life hell until I did something to stop it.

Going to a loved one to vent does help, but how long would I keep venting to them for? It was the same old story "What's wrong?" "I don't know...everything" "It's okay just try to keep busy and get your mind off of it" "I've tried". And trust me when I say that conversation got old really quick. I got tired of constantly trying to explain myself when to others it was the same old story. In the end, you are your best friend and you are the only one who can truly help yourself snap out of it. I didn't want to inconvenience my friends any longer. I was so sick and tired of being in a bad mood and snapping at them for no particular reason. I was tired of little things making me so angry that I would break down.

My insecurities were eating me alive. I felt like I was drowing in the ocean, inches away from rock bottom, but then one day I woke up. I opened my eyes and made the choice to be happy. For me, escaping is moving to an environment with no familiar faces. Often I'll escape to Starbucks and treat myself to whatever I'm feeling and I'll sit here and write until my hands cramp up. That's exactly what I'm doing now. As much as we may say we don't have time for hobbies, we can always make time for something that will heal us.

Sleeping in and spending the entire day on Netflix in your pj's does sound like an ideal day for most of us, but if done constantly it can remind us of what makes us sad. Changing your environment is so crucial, well at least it was for me. So get up, put on your favorite outfit and get out of the house for a bit. Just like that one quote, dress up like you're going to meet the love of your life. It helps a lot more than you think. Go for a walk, a bike ride, a museum, or whatever interests you. Show yourself that you are worth it. Hobbies (contrary to what some Desi parents may say) are more important than some may think. Hobbies make you happy and give you a reason look forward to waking up every morning, so no matter how busy you may be, you can't be too busy to be happy.

Another thing that's really helped me is the #100HappyDays tag on Instagram. Yes, I know it sounds cheesy, but it helps me remind myself of what truly makes me happy and brings to the positive things in my day. I've often realized that if I'm not happy, faking it (to an extent) makes me believe I'm happy too despite what may be going on in my life at that moment. Try it out!

To those who may have similar feelings as me, know you're not alone. The people you're surrounded by are there to help, but at the end of the day the person who can help you the most is yourself, no one knows you better. So wake up, do some stretches and think of ideas to make your day wonderful!

Thank you to those who have supported me and stuck by my side this past year, it means more than you'll ever know.