Father's Day Without Him
This was my second Father's Day without my father and I have to say it was one of the most difficult days I've had to deal with in a while. I expected to see pictures of people and their dads all over social media and had prepared myself for it, but I didn't expect to feel as lonely as I did. The week before Fathers Day I found myself stressing over the little things. I was cranky, I was anxious and I was desperate to find ways to distract myself for the following Sunday. I had a pretty busy couple of days before Fathers Day, so I slept in, not having the smallest bit of motivation to get out of bed. Overall I tried my best to stay off social media and not watch TV knowing I would end up getting emotional, so I turned my attention to Netflix to finish whatever I hadn't watched of Orange Is The New Black Season 4. (Don't worry I won't ruin it for you if you haven't seen it yet).
I did wish my father-in-law to-be a happy Fathers Day and it gave me some comfort knowing that next year I'll have a father to celebrate with but a piece of my heart was still missing. I spent my dad's last Father's Day before he passed in a completely different state. Back then it hurt me knowing that it was the first Father's Day we had spent apart but later on it hurt even more not being able to celebrate with him again. I was hoping that feeling would go away but unfortunately losing someone, specially someone you're that close to doesn't get any easier. As time goes on you find more ways to control your emotions and distract yourself but the pain is still there.
I thought the best way to get through the day would be to not let myself shed a single tear, but I was wrong. As the day went on I found it more difficult to hold my emotions back, causing me to cry for over an hour without being able to stop. I realized I should have allowed myself to be emotional and cry throughout the day when needed. Bottling up those feelings did nothing but make me feel worse. It's important to reminds yourself that crying when you're upset is totally okay! Everyone has different ways of dealing with sadness, so if you're ever feeling down for whatever reason, just find what works for you. It could be spending time with a bunch of friends or family or keeping to yourself for the day. Having your favorite food is never a bad idea so I chose to order my favorite takeout meal, chicken and rice from Delhi Garden in Edison!
Whatever your method of dealing with emotions is, regardless of what may be causing you sadness and pain, you're not alone. That's the reason I chose to write this post. I don't want or expect anyone's sympathy. For anyone who's reading this and who needs to be reminded that there's always someone who understands what you're going through. So if you're going through something that's bringing you down, keep your head up and deal with it in the appropriate way that work for you. It's okay to be upset and grieve during difficult times, but the important thing is to pick yourself back up as soon as you can. Mourning the loss of a loved one, specially on a day like Father's Day is okay, but always give yourself the strength to pick yourself back up after you fall.
As I end this post I'd like to thank those who helped me through a difficult day and those who convinced me to write this post despite my hesitation. You know who you are. Thank you.